Saliva Pariah

Message From Space | by Anonymous

I’m 32 years old. Guess how many times I’ve hocked a loogie on a public sidewalk? ZERO. You know why? Because it’s disgusting and I’m not an idiot, that’s why. What the hell is in your mouth that you can’t swallow? If you put something in that slack-jawed cake-hole, surely you intended to ingest it. Or are you forever trapped in Freud’s oral stage and can’t resist exploring by taste?

Seriously, what is it? Are you dumping dead weight so you don’t run out of fuel before reaching your destination? Did someone just mention the name of your rival town? Are you playing second base for the Blue Jays in your pea-brain? What is wrong in your brain?

I hope you lose your nards in an unfortunate smelting accident and never reproduce. Grow up.


PHLEGM FOR THE BEST, EXPECTORATE THE WORST Message From Space is an open forum for Planet S readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and powerful disgust for spitting dipshits. E-mail your submission to editor@planetsmag.com (type MESSAGE FROM SPACE in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words and completely free from oral and other fluids. Seriously, don’t be gross.