DA: Bill Nye The Twitter Guy

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon! It’s an underachieving 6°C in the city with a high of eight on deck for later. The forecast for the next week is all kinds of lame, with threats of snow on Monday. Wheeeee. Sunset tonight is at 8:15. Let’s just move on to the news.

1. IF YOU CAN’T WIN A FAIR FIGHT, CHANGE THE RULES The Saskatchewan government is getting yelled at for its sketchy-ass plan to preemptively block lawsuits from Sask municipalities.

2. MAGICAL MYSTERY NUMBERED COMPANIES I’ll preface this with the disclaimer that Kevin Doherty, Don Morgan and the rest are following the law, according to the conflict of interest commissioner. That said, I wanna know if all these numbered companies politicians have are rental properties or pawn shops or patches of land or whatever, and I bet you do too.

3. COMPLICATED LEGAL BATTLE COULD BOOT NON-CATHOLIC KIDS FROM CATHOLIC SCHOOLS, MAYBE? I don’t fully understand this (gotta do more reading because I don’t get the motivation for the original complaint, which looks to me like someone going to court to nuke their own funding, which seems weird) but I think it causes trouble for everyone?

4. DAY IN COURT Marc and Jodie Emery were the targets of grandstanding police raids that probably launched to scare pot businesses and activists away from their livelihoods and cause. The raids were a stupid waste of policing resources given the utter wrongheadedness of pot prohibition. It’s not the Emerys’ fault Canada has dysfunctional, irrational recreational drug laws. This kind of crap reduces public confidence in police* (which, I I were a cop, I would be livid about) as well as the Federal Liberals’ legalization legislation. Anyway the two were in court today. “”These marijuana laws are sending peaceful people like ourselves into cells in handcuffs. That’s no way to treat a Canadian in 2017 for something that’s going to be legalized next year,” said Jodie Emery. No kidding.

*A Toronto police spokesman said the Emerys were “endangering the public”. That’s rich. You know what endangers Toronto? Cops killing black Torontonians.

5. FRANCE PONDERS A FASCIST The French start a two-part presidential election this weekend. Hopefully they won’t send the far-right xenophobe to the final round. There’s probably a decent chance after this week’s shootings. Meanwhile the Conservative candidate sounds like a total douche, the otherwise interesting far-left candidate is too anti-Europe and pro-Russia for my tastes and the socialist who wants to bring in universal basic income has been kneecapped by his party’s past failures. Well, it’ll be interesting anyway.

6. IT’S NOT EASY TO PISS OFF HAWAII BUT THIS IDJIT DID IT U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions is apparently a pompous, entitled goof.

7. THE X-FILES IS COMING BACK Fox has ordered a 10-episode 11th season. Hope it’s better than the last one. #Scullyforever

8. WESTJET VS. LABRADOODLE You won’t believe what happened next!

9. SPEAKING OF MISPLACED PETS, HERE’S A NINE-MONTH-OLD STORY ABOUT A LOST-AND-FOUND PET GECKO NAMED “NOM CHOMPSKY” Like it says. I can’t not share stuff like this.

BILL NYE VS. TWITTER Tomorrow is the March For Science. Seems like a good time to drop a Bill Nye video in here. Good stuff, although this guy might argue with him about the hypothetical threat posed by artificial intelligence.

DA: Yay-Balls For 4-20

Daily AggregationWhatcha doon Saskatoon? Happy 4/20! It’s a beaut afternoon that could use a little more sunshine maybe: 16°C according to my pocket computer, with a revised high of 17 coming right up. The sun sets tonight at 8:13 p.m. and you won’t see it again until 5:55 a.m. tomorrow. It was up at 5:58 today for a grand and glorious total daylight time of four hours and (almost) 16 minutes. DING DING DING NEWS TIME!

1. SASK PARTY SUPPORT DROPS This is a surprise? Maybe that’s why they’re suddenly reviewing their $4.5 million cuts to libraries. Wait until the cuts really hit. Also, DON’T PISS OFF LIBRARY LOVERS. Also also: raise the PST another point, then roll it back by one per cent before the next election. And don’t tell my NDP pals (I may have one or two) that I gave you that solid political advice.  Shhhh!

2. CRIME, CRIME, CRIME Guns fired in hotels, kids vandalizing schools, more human trafficking arrests. Why won’t anyone step back and take a look at Saskatchewan’s crime problem? Oh wait, Dale Eisler did.

3. LONG-AWAITED MARKET CORRECTION Saskatoon renters are starting to see lower rents as vacancy rates skyrocket. Dunno if anyone’s done a study but I submit that skyrocketing rent from 2006 to, say, 2012 will be shown to have been be a key factor that kept tons of regular people from benefiting from the boom. Stuff like that ain’t no accident, buttercups.

4. IT REALLY IS PRETTY NICE OUT THERE, DESPITE THE GREY Our On-The-Scene Mulligan took this photo for you! Look! Prettyyyy!

5. SO NOW GIRAFFES ARE ENDANGERED? YAAAY One of the most charismatic of megafauna should be listed, say conservationists. Threats to giraffes include human-caused loss of habitat, human-caused collisions with cars and…power lines? yeesh, and human-inflicted poaching and trophy hunting. Jesus, our species. We really are smarter, and better, than this. We’ve got to act like it.

6. THE ECONOMY SWOONS BUT THE BUD BIZ BOOMS Medical marijuana company CanniMed is putting $10 million into its Saskatoon plant. I doubt they’re doing it for vanity. There’s money in them thar buds.

7. A GOOD DEATH CBC has a story about the peaceful death of a husband with terminal cancer who opted for euthanasia. No dry eyes at this desk.

8. A BREXIT MULLGAN? The European Union parliament’s president said if Brits tuef the Tories, they could become unBrexited. Hmmm.

9. A PARDON: SOMETHING YOU EARN OR SOMETHING YOU BUY? People with criminal records who are eligible for pardons usually don’t have $631 lying around. They’re spending that money on their kids, or rent, or food, or prescriptions. A high price for pardons is fundamentally misguided and I’m glad the Liberals are looking into fixing the mess Stephen Harper and his gang of sociopathic goons created.

10. TORONTO LGBTQ COPS DEMAND CITY PULL PRIDE FUNDING I can see their point. I can also see how chronically racist policing pisses people off so much that they organize to punt uniformed cops and their parade floats out of Pride.

11. COLBERT’S “TRIBUTE” TO BILL O’REILLY Nicely done.

12. IT’S 4/20! Happy “Pot Is Still Illegal But Not For Much Longer” day. Looking for some stuff to read? Start with Beatty’s feature in the current Planet S, then check out Now’s interview with pot activist Jodie Emery. The Georgia Straight has a report that tears apart the Liberal’s legalization plans and the Toronto Star has a story on the origins of 4/20. Pro-weed Seattle alt-weekly The Stranger has tons of stuff to read, including this article on the history of Washington state’s trail-blazing cannabis regulations and this David Schmader piece on vaginal pot suppositories that has awesome sentences like “the sun is rising in my uterus”.

Let’s wrap this up with Adam Ruins Everything’s reality check on marijuana. See you tomorrow!

DA: More Like Bill O’BYE-ly

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon Saskertoon! It’s been awhile! Soooo: it’s 11°C and my cell phone says that’s as good as it’s going to get. The sun came up this morning at 6:00 on the dot and sets tonight at 8:12 p.m. for 14 hours and 12 minutes of glorious daylight. Here’s a pile of news I found.

1. FEDS INVEST IN NORTHERN MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT $1.2 million between two bands doesn’t seem like a whole heck of a lot, but hopefully it’ll help.

2. OPENING WOUNDS It blows my mind that anyone is still defending police who, according to a public inquiry, picked up Neil Stonechild and dropped him off in a Saskatoon field, where he froze to death. You can refresh your memory on the case here, and if you’re wondering about cops’ credibility, you can read this story about someone with a Saskatoon police computer who changed Wikipedia’s “Starlight Tours” entry.

3. REFUGEES AND PREDATORS The RCMP have charged a Regina woman with human smuggling involving people anxious to get out of the United States (or as the CBC puts it, “droves of asylum seekers … making their way north into Canada from the U.S. in the wake of Donald Trump’s election as president.”

4. FRACK FRACK QUAKE Fracking in British Columbia caused 767 earthquakes between 2014 and 2015. Fracking causes earthquakes. What are we doing. We have got to kick the fossil fuel monkey.

5. IRONIES ABOUND AS BIGOTS FREAK OUT OVER SCHOOL PRAYERS A Toronto school board gave Muslim students prayer space and now critics are losing their minds. A lot of no-prayer-in-the-classroom type atheists like me tend to be for it (because come on, it’s NOT a school-endorsed-or-mandated class prayer, it’s a compassionate, tolerant and no-skin-off-my-nose accommodation) while people who would love to see the Lord’s Prayer recited in classrooms are opposed (which I have no evidence for that but it’s true).

6. CHINA IS CONCERNED ABOUT NORTH KOREA Hey! Me too!

7. THE TRUMP EFFECT: REPUBLICANS DODGE HUMILIATION IN GEORGIA So far, anyway.

8. JAILED KILLER JOCK PROBABLY KILLED HIMSELF Probably.

9. BYE-BYE BILL O’REILLY Fox News is dumping him. Good. O’Reilly’s been an angry, toxic person who infects viewers with his hateful worldview. Would love to see the end of his career.

DA: Kitty With A Wig

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon! What a day. It’s 16°C heading towards 19, and it’ll be no-jacket weather until after today’s 7:49 p.m. sunset, and arguably right through the night depending on how hot your personal furnace runs. Here’s some news from the Internet.

1. BEYAK BOUNCED, BUDDIES BITTER A Conservative senator who praised Canada’s residential death camps schools was punted from the Senate’s Aboriginal People’s committee. Fortunately for her, her colleagues have her back, with one calling reporters “parasites” then denying he used the word despite being caught on camera. Think it’s time political parties start disciplining their politicians for blatant lying and media-bashing. Actually, I’m pretty sure the other parties would.

2. NORTH BATTLEFORD BOUSHIE RALLY As Gerald Stanley’s preliminary hearing wraps up with the news he’ll stand trial, the family of the young man Stanley shot in the head (according to this Globe And Mail story) calls for justice.

3. SASKATOON SCHOOLS OUT 11.5 MILLION Story here. I’m sure school administrators can’t wait to have their finances micromanaged by a boom-bungling government desperate to cut costs and blame everyone else for their mismanagement.

4. DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE GOT TILL IT’S GONE Saskatchewan firefighters have been asked by their professional association to boycott the 2018 firefighters calendar. Too little money raised.

5. ONLY REPUBLICAN SUPREME COURT PICKS ALLOWED IN AMERICA The Republican-controlled Senate that blocked a Democratic president’s nominee changed the rules to get its own shitty nominee through. Fuckers.

6. DO NOT MOCK GLORIOUS LEADER! There’s two types of people in this world: those who support dictators and those who oppose ’em. Way too many of the former in Russia, which is why crap like this is tolerated. Speaking of Russia, Gwynne Dyer’s column this issue was great and you should read it if you haven’t.

7. SPEAKING OF RUSSIAN HOMOPHOBES Genocide in progress in Chechnya.

8. HOW SNAKES EAT BIGGER SNAKES It’s all about technique.

VIDEO: MORE LIKE HAIR-U Remember the box-loving cat Maru, from, um, the Internet? He’s up to new shenanigans and it’s adorable.

DA: Einstein The Parrot

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon! It’s a gorgeous day, 13°C, with hours left before sunset (7:48 p.m.). How about some news? I found this on the Internet for you…

1. EFFICIENCY IS MAGIC Worried about the epic devastation caused by budget cuts? You can stop. The government will fix everything with changes to the Education Act. Phew!

2. LIBRARY LAMENT Provincial cuts to library funding are devastating. Here’s the Saskatoon situation. This is what we get from a bunch of boom bungling politicians, I guess.

3. ENTER THE APP WayToPark lets Saskatoon drivers pay for parking with their cellphones. Sounds civilized.

4. PROTESTS FOR COLTEN BOUSHIE CONTINUE The RCMP have scaled back their presence outside North Battlefield’s provincial court after demonstrators called it “intimidating”: “[The RCMP is] protecting who, and from what exactly? That’s not clear to us, especially with the history my family’s had thus far with the RCMP,” Boushie’s cousin told CBC. Good question.

5. “ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT” Canada ranks 10 out of 16 “peer countries” on a Conference Board Of Canada report. Norway, Sweden and Denmark, which a certain nasty ex-Prime Minister dismissed as “northern European welfare states”, rock, as usual. Also, the United States is hilariously disastrous on the Income Inequality chart.

6. WELCOME BACK BRIAN, I GUESS Justin Trudeau’s federal Liberal will gather ’round the cabinet table for a special performance from Canada’s favourite former prime minister, Lyin’ Brian Mulroney. The sad thing is, ol’ “envelopes stuffed with bills” probably has useful insights. Sigh.

7. CELL PHONE SPY DEVICES DISCOVERED AT MONTREAL AIRPORT Who’s behind it? Nobody’s taking responsibility.

8. BANNON BOOTED President Donald Jerkwad Trump has removed his political adviser, former Breitbart boss Steve Bannon, from the National Security Council. Trump’s administration continues to be an unprecedented shambles.

9. WHO GASSED CIVILIANS? Russia and Syria say it was Syrian rebels but pretty much everyone else says it was the Syrian regime. I’ll put my nickel on the latter. If Bashir al Assad had retired to Moscow after the 2011 mass protests the country wouldn’t be rubble and 470,000 people would still be alive. The brutality seems never-ending. Monstrous.

A PARROT TURNS 30 AND IT IS CUTE Here’s Einstein, the Knoxville Zoo’s smartypants African Grey parrot. Squawk!

DA: The Non-Hats Of Men

Daily AggregationGood afternoon Saskatoon! While I’m sitting here listening to “The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats and sniffling through unwelcome springtime sniffles, it’s 12°C outside. Sunset tonight is at 7:44, which is lovely. News!

1. PRELIMINARY HEARING FOR COLTEN BOUSHIE’S KILLER Started today, could go on for a week. At issue: will Gerald Stanley go on trial for shooting Colton Boushie in the head, or was the shooting self-defence? Background here.

2. OTTAWA PHONES ARE BEING MONITORED Parties unknown!

3. BYELECTON MONDAY Voting is happening; none of it here.

4. BRAD WALL’S POP DROPS He’s still pretty darn popular, though.

5. RUSSIAN SUBWAY EXPLOSION KILLS 11 It was caused by an “unidentified explosive device”.

6. TODAY’S REASON TO HATE GARY BETTMAN NHL players won’t be  in the 2018 Olympics. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like the International Olympic Committee did enough to make this happen. Story here.

8. TRUMP VOTERS: BLIND HOPE AND IRRATIONAL, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE LOYALTY Possibly a small consolation for the millions of Americans who will be harmed by the Donald Trump presidency and Republican House and Senate: the people who voted for him will pay for it too. Not that they’ll stop supporting him.

9. SPEAKING OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS Stephen King has always had insight into American psychologies, so when he writes about his imaginary roundtable with made-up Trump supporters it’s worth reading.

10. EVERYONE LIKES DINOSAURS Looks like the fact that dinosaurs are cool is the one thing conservatives and the rest of us can agree on. As long as they don’t share their dumb opinions on the earth’s age.

WE CAN DANCE! WE CAN DANCE! Everything’s out of control!

DA: The Handmaiden’s Jorge

Daily AggregationHappy happy afternoon, Saska-Saska-Saskatoon! It’s 6°C at 2:52 p.m., down from a high of 7°. Sunset tonight is at 7:27. The next time I write a blog post it’ll be waaay after 7:30. All right, let’s aggregate.

1. STC FALLOUT: STRANDED WITH CANCER The most compelling reason shutting down the Saskatchewan Transportation Company is stupid and vicious? The 300 rural cancer patients who took STC buses to Saskatoon are out of luck. #BradBotchedTheBoom

2. LIBRARIES CUT TO RIBBONS The StarPhoenix reports most library districts face funding cuts between 50 and 60 per cent. Ugly. #BradBotchedTheBoom

3. TRENT WOTHERSPOON, QP BADASS? The interim NDP leader was kicked out of yesterday’s Question Period because he called the budget deceitful Wotherspoon refuses to apologize. #BradBotchedTheBoom

4. SASKATOON COUNCIL MEETS TO TALK BUDGET With essential Saskatoon institutions like libraries and the University of Saskatoon taking big budget hits IO imagine they’ll have a lot to discuss. #BradBotchedTheBook

5. I THINK THIS IS THE BEST MURRAY MANDRYK COLUMN I’VE EVER READ Murray Mandryk says:

“Sask. Party MLAs, you just raised taxes by nearly a billion bucks a year by gouging kids’ clothes and restaurant meals. You just fired 574 people. You just took away your own voters’ buses — buses used by sick, old, rural people and farmers needing parts. Hell, you won’t even pay for the funerals of those who in their whole life didn’t save enough money to buy their own coffins.”

Good stuff. Mr. Mandryk’s utter contempt for arrogance has always been one of his best qualities.

6. THE GREAT GRASSLAND SELL-OFF The Sask Party is selling 51 provincial community pastures. says Trevor Harriet:

“Among our large provinces and territories (i.e. excluding the Maritimes), Saskatchewan already leads the nation in the ratio of private land to public. Across Canada, 11% of land is privately owned. In B.C. 7% of land is private. In Alta, 30%. Saskatchewan is at 40% but south of the boreal forest in this province the figure is 80% and rising. In fact, believe it or not, by 1980 24% of all privately held land in Canada was in Saskatchewan[i]—almost all of it in the Prairie Ecozone. And now we are adding more?”

7. NO MORE CANADA SAVINGS BONDS The famous investment bonds won’t be sold anymore and CBC has an excellent and interesting story on it.

8. HOUSE OF COMMONS PASSES ISLAMOPHOBIA MOTION Good. Although I fear places like, say, the comically Islamophobic Facebook page The Republic Of Western Canada might be losing their minds right now…

9. TODAY IN AMERICA DON’T WORK NO MORE From the Washington Post: “The decision means the ACA remains in place, and a major GOP campaign promise goes unfulfilled. It also casts doubt on the Republican Party’s ability to govern and to advance other high-stakes agenda items, including tax reform and infrastructure spending. Ryan is still without a signature achievement as speaker — and the defeat undermines Trump’s image as a skilled dealmaker willing to strike compromises to push his agenda forward.” LOL.

THE HANDMAID’S TALE There’s a new trailer for the new Hula adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s dystopian book The Handmaid’s Tale. It looks horrifying. On the bright side, if you look closely you might catch a glimpse of Prairie Dog film critic Jorge Castillo, who’s onscreen for about a second in the background of a crowd shot. Yup, really!

DA: Filth City

Daily AggregationHappy noon, Saskatoon! it’s -2 now, but in a mere 10 degrees it’ll be plus-8. Woo! Sunrise was 7:03, inching toward that 7 a.m. barrier! The sun will set this evening at 7:23, and since it’ll be around 5 degrees out it might be a nice time for an after dinner walk. But that’s up to you: it’s you’re life! The only one you’ve got. Wow that was so deep. News!

1. IT’S BUDGET DAY, ARE YOU EXCITED? Read the CBC, StarPhoenix and CJME.

2. IT’S ALSO FEDERAL BUDGET DAY CBC, Toronto Star, Globe And Mail.

3. THE NATIONAL POST SUCKS I was going to put in a National Post link but since the paper just ran an utterly irresponsible (not to mention pompous) column that’s skeptical of human-caused climate change, to hell with it. The only reason anyone still argues about climate change is money. There’s infinite money to be made in fossil fuels. Gotta keep drilling, which means the petro-stooges and their idiotic, radicalized followers will keep arguing with/discrediting/harassing climate scientists forever. Scientists say last year was the warmest on record, by the way. Yay!

4. TERRORIST ATTACK IN LONDON People dead and injured, suspect shot.

5. PREDATORY ONLINE MISOGYNY Thug hacker lectures victim on morality, demands sex video.

6. PRESS FREEDOM VS. RCMP: COURT ORDERS VICE JOURNALIST TO FORK OVER INFO Fight not over.

Stumbled across the trailer for an upcoming movie today. Looks fun! Seems weirdly familiar, somehow.

DA: Ultimate Desk Lunch

Daily AggregationWell hellooooooooo Saskatooooon! According to multiple reports, it’s -3 in Saskatoon right now on a day that’s going to get up to a balmy 0 degrees. You wanna know about sunrise-sunset stuff? Sunrise was 7:06 and sunset will be at 7:22. Here’s a pile of links I found lying around my desk. They might have some sesame seeds on them from my lunch bagel. Sorry.

1. ‘RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS WERE REALLY BAD’: ANGLICANS A Conservative senator who’s sad because no one ever says nice things about residential schools (!!!!!) is corrected on the true horror of Canada’s colonial history.

2. TEACHERS WORRY ABOUT THE PROVINCIAL BUDGET Well yes, they probably should be. From welshing on contract agreements to hamstringing school boards to cutting back on teacher’s aides to their weird, un-factual obsession with standardized tests, this government has a history of incompetence toward education.

3. LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE Mayor Charlie Clark is optimistic on the eve of the first provincial budget of his mayoralty.

4. ‘YAY SALES TAX’: GORMLEY SHOW ECONOMIST  Uh huh. Economist Ian Lee, who ran for the post-Mulroney PCs in 1993, also criticized environmentalists on The Rebel and argued against banked sick days so I’m not sure we should embrace his opinions on what are widely viewed as regressive taxes that make the rich richer.

5. MILLIONS FOR WATER INFRASTRUCTURE Seems like one of those things you wanna spend money on.

6. EX-HARPER SPOKESMAN APOLOGIZES FOR LIBELING MUSLIM GROUP Here’s a reminder that Stephen Harper’s government and right-wing media nurtured Islamophobia in this country.

7. CONSERVATIVE LEADERSHIP RACE ACCUSATIONS: NO PROOF FROM BERNIER What a idiot jamboree this thing is.

8. TRAVELLING MUSLIM iPAD BAN Another day, another stupid new rule in Trump’s dumb, bigoted America, and oh crap Canada might do this too.

9. CONSISTENCY IS THE HOBGOBLIN OF LITTLE MINDS A conservative hobgoblin says something almost rational (but still dumb) about gun rights and abortion rights and is immediately eaten alive by her shitty political team. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

10. COSPLAYERS HACK SPIDER-MAN’S SQUINTY EYES Cool.

11. FINALLY, A USE FOR ABANDONED MISSILE BASES They make great homes for cute giant pythons! (Yes I know invasive Burmese pythons are an ecological calamity. They’re still cute.)

YOUR DESK LUNCH IS PATHETIC Here’s how you make a desk lunch, courtesy “walking recipe from Mars” Miss Xiaoye,  via Kottke.

DA: Springtime On Sesame Street

Daily AggregationGood afternoon and happy spring! The sun was up at 7:00 this morning and it’s staying up until 7:12 and that’s obviously fantastic for everyone’s psychological well-being. The high today is 1 and the low tonight is who cares, it’s spring! Here’s some slow-aggregated news. Shoulda posted it earlier but who cares, it’s spring!

1. BRAD WALL DISCOVERS RESOURCE REVENUES ARE VOLATILE Saskatchewan’s premier posted a pre-budget video on Facebook this morning. Will the sales tax go up while income taxes drop? Sounds like it. The provincial budget comes down tomorrow.

2. BOB DYLAN: COMING TO SASKATOON! Also, Moose Jaw.

3. R. WOLFE, CHILD PORNOGRAPHER A Saskatoon man pleads guilty to a megaheinous crime.

4. YOUTUBE CENSORS TEGAN AND SARA? The service’s restricted mode disproportionately filters out LGBTQ content apparently.

5. NO EVIDENCE OBAMA ORDERED TRUMP TOWER BUGGED That was nonsense anyway. That Trump campaign/Russia scheming, on the other hand

6. “I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE FROM HERE BEFORE I SERVE YOU” In Huntington Beach, California, a now-fired server demanded proof of citizenship from four Latina customers. Trump Derangement Syndrome strikes again.

7. NO RESPECTABLE REPUBLICANS Here’s a good, angry long read on the connection between movement conservatism and the Trump budget. Given that Canada’s own national Conservative party gives a platform to the viciously dumb ideas of people like Kellie Leitch, it’s a relevant read for this country, too.

8. CHUCK BERRY, BERNIE WRIGHTSON, ROWAN ATKINSON Dead, dead, not dead. Also: genius, genius, genius.

9. COUNTDOWN TO BREXT The United Kingdom will trigger article 50 before the end of this month. Good job, idiots!

10. WHY DO MALE JOURNALISTS ASSUME THE WOMEN THEY INTERVIEW ARE FLIRTING WITH THEM? Well actually (lol) you could take the word “journalist” out of that sentence and it would still be accurate.

11. WHAT IS A SPRING? A hard-hitting Boston Globe investigation reveals all.

SPEAKING OF SPRINGTIME Who remembers this one?