Message From Space | by Anonymous
There’s been a lot of gossip going ’round and it’s time to set the record straight: I am NOT planning to feed the entire neighbourhood’s trick-or-treating population to the gigantic carnivorous worms living under my yard. This Halloween, you can send your children marching right up to my door full of confidence my voracious pets won’t burst out of the garden, snatch the little darlings in their barbed tentacle-tongues and drag them underground to be agonizingly digested. Not gonna happen. I fed the whole nest six goats and an half-drifter last week, and that should keep them in a food-coma until mid-November, minimum. So seriously, don’t worry and step right up. I’ve got Reese’s! Also three pit bulls I’ve been feeding drifters too.
BAN THE OWNER, NOT THE BREED At this point we couldn’t even tell you what Message From Space is for. I guess it’s an open forum for Planet S readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and complaints about neighbours with dangerous pets? If you want, e-mail submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org (type MESSAGE FROM SPACE in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words and leashed in public at all times. Where do you think this is, Texas?