Message from Space | by Anonymous
I recently discovered your neon orange, no-name cheddar in our work refrigerator. Why are you leaving blocks of Trump Cheese in our office’s fridges? There are so many excellent lunch cheeses out there — old cheddar, havarti, provolone, tasty brie and more. Why couldn’t you leave something like THAT unattended? The cheese YOU abandoned like an unwanted newborn in a Walmart washroom tastes terrible, and I should know because I ate it. Also, it wasn’t terrible. Just not as good as the cheese I like. The point is, I’m sorry I ate your cheese. What choice did I have? It was racist, and had to be stopped.
THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE Message From Space is an open forum for Planet S readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and complaints about friends and family. You can also waste everyone’s time with a “humourous” rant about lunchroom drama but we’d prefer you didn’t. E-mail your submission to firstname.lastname@example.org (type MESSAGE FROM SPACE in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words and should be properly aged and NEVER dyed.