Bonus Column

Hello from the Mirror Universe! I’m Don Cherry, a TV hockey guy kinda like the Don Cherry of your dimension. Better hair maybe, gotta admit my suits ain’t so good.

I hear there’s trouble with my counterpart here, an’ it’s got a lotta youse angry and sad. That’s why I come here in my wormhole-generating Zamboni. Ta see if I can help.

Okay! So: I’m sorry your Don went off the rails with that dumb rant about immigrants not wearing poppies that got him canned. Sure, us Dons are big-time boosters of service people. Proud to support Canadian peacekeepers! It’s just a real shame your Don’s pro-poppy stuff got mixed-up with a bunch of garbage about “you people who come here”.

If I could talk to Don I’d tell him, Don: first thing about hockey is it’s a team sport, and you stick up for your teammates. I guess you went and forgot that folks who come to this great country are like new teammates after a trade. It don’t matter what their skin colour is, or what religion or language they got. So maybe they ride bicycles and hug trees. Who cares? They’re your Team Canada teammates now, God love ‘em, and in hockey, teammates are family.

Anyway, I’m real sorry things turned out like this folks. It’s okay if you miss Don. I’ll miss him too.

I just hope maybe in some small way, my Mirror Universe words gave ya some peace.

One more thing: any o’ you seen Mirror Universe Ron McLean? I was told he came here. Big guy, 10 feet tall, fire-breathing cyborg. Eats people. I’m supposed to bring him back, so lemme know if you spot him. Thanks!

Mirror Universe Don Cherry is a hockey broadcaster and long-time critic of fighting in hockey.