Also: Scott Moe, Donald Trump and forest fires
What Just Happened? | Stephen Whitworth
Once again Planet S presents its wildly popular news aggregation column, hooray. Fans are invited to show their support with a donation through our website. Critics are also invited to donate to encourage us to stop.
FRIDAY 12: HOCKEY SUCKS
The Florida Panthers eliminated the Toronto Maple Leafs in five games tonight. At least the Leafs won a series this year, so brilliant, data-driven GM Kyle Dubas’ job should be safe, phew. Anyway, the loss leaves only one Canadian team — the Edmonton Oilers — in the Stanley Cup playoffs. The What Just Happened Desk would be worried if it didn’t have unshakeable confidence that Connor McDavid and company will DESTROY the Vegas Golden Knights.
SUNDAY 14: HOCKEY SUCKS, PART TWO
TUESDAY 17: CAN’T-DO ATTITUDE
At a SaskPower news conference today, Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe declared his intention ignore yet-to-be-finalized federal regulations on coal and fossil gas generation. According to multiple news reports, Moe called achieving net-zero emissions by 2035 “impossible” and launched into a dramatic monologue that accused the feds of attempting to plunge the province into “cold and darkness”. Moe did not address the fact that his plan largely leaves innovation — and its benefits — to other jurisdictions. Meanwhile, Saskatchewan’s skies were filled with smoke from forest fires, which occur way more often these days thanks to fossil fuel-fuelled climate change.
WEDNESDAY 17: SMOKE ON THE WALKER
Aside from the forest fire haze, it was a nice morning for a walk today. After the Awful Endless Winter, the What Just Happened Desk was glad to use it.
The first stretch of the WJHD’s 45-minute stroll took us down a sidewalk beside a busy main street. As we inhaled particles of incinerated Alberta trees, we reflected on the passing traffic. So many cars. Countless cars. Mostly SUVs but a lot of trucks, too.
Why is transportation in Saskatchewan cities so aggressively built around fossil-fuel guzzling personal vehicles that spew climate-altering chemicals into the atmosphere? Do people like spending hundreds of dollars every month on gas? A lot of conservatives whine (and whine, and whine) about “Justin Turd-eau’s carbon tax”, but you know what’s a real carbon tax? The fortune vehicle owners spend fuelling their tin-and-plastic money pits every month.
The WJHD cannot believe anyone actually likes this dumb set-up.
Anyway, it was a very nice walk, even for a desk.
THURSDAY 18: COAL DEAD HANDS
A lively session of the provincial Legislature ended today. Much of it was consumed by arguments over who, exactly, the Saskatchewan Party’s growth agenda works for: everyone (as the Premier, his caucus and several now-vandalized billboards and urinal ads insist) or Sask. Party donors (as the Opposition NDP and multiple social media copyright bandits claim). Regardless, who cares. None of that gets public liquor stores, or the good jobs and lower prices they provided, back.
The thing that caught the What Just Happened Desk’s attention today, though, was Premier Scott Moe’s continued defiance of forthcoming federal regulations on power generation. Responding to Liberal environment and climate change minister Steven Guilbeault’s suggestion that flouting federal regs would violate Canada’s criminal code, Moe said if that’s the case, “come get me”. No really, Scott Moe, an actual adult politician, said that.
The What Just Happened desk cannot at this time confirm that the premier’s political advisers are taking away all his Dirty Harry DVDs.
MONDAY 22: ORANGE MAN LEARNS NOTHING
Writer E. Jean Carroll, who was awarded $5 million in damages after suing Donald Trump for defamation and sexual abuse, has launched a new lawsuit for $10 million in damages after the unrepentant mango trashed both the settlement and her during a CNN town hall. Watching this guy and Florida bigot DeSantis fight it out for the Republican presidential nomination is gonna be something. ■
What Just Happened is Planet S’ guaranteed-to-work-for-everyone aggregation of Saskatchewan, Canadian and world headlines and events, from earth-shaking news to pointless, indulgent and stupid digressions. This edition’s column covers news (badly) from May 10–23.