Good morning Toontown, what’s going down? Little windy out there, huh? It’s minus-13 with a snow situation and very pushy -24 windchills. You have until 6:57 p.m. today to get your affairs in order, at which point the sun will set and you have to go to bed (I don’t make the rules!). Hey! Here’s some news I found on the Internet for us to read together. Fun!!!
1. THIS WEATHER! Did I mention? Windy! Snowy! Eeek!
2. SASKATCHEWAN IS BACK IN SESSION The Legislature is sitting again and yesterday was the first day of spring session. And what a day it was! Brad Wall won’t sell SaskTel! Don Morgan has fresh ideas* to stop impaired driving! New MLA Ryan Meili is the NDP shadow critic for poverty! Out of province political donations are destroying democracy! Exciting times.
3. DEALS WITH DRAGONS Can Canada have closer economic ties to China when China is a human rights shitshow? First step: consultations!
4. DEPORTING CANADIANS You might be a fuck-up, but if you’ve lived in Canada all six decades of your life you’re OUR fuck-up. Meanies disagree.
5. TRUMPCARE The diabolical dummies release their dumb anti-Planned Parenthood Obamacare repeal-and-replace plan. Douchebags. I like Tom Tomorrow’s take.
6. WAIT, THE CIA HAS THE ABILITY TO GET INTO CELL PHONES? No way.
7. INCRIMINATING USE OF A FOUR-POUND HAMMER After two sleeping homeless people had their heads bashed in, Las Vegas police arrested a fellow who beat the shit out of a mannequin’s head. The mannequin was posing as a sleeping homeless person. “I knew it was a mannequin,” says hammer guy. Uh huh.
WORLD OF 100 What would it look like if the planet’s population was represented by only 100 people? Video swiped from the always excellent Kottke.
