Take a peek inside the mind of our film critic, as he watches a film in real time.
- This is an expensive movie to open in January.
- Exposition dump via newspaper clippings. Not the most elegant approach.
- Love when a movie starts mid-action. The whole underwater structure is collapsing around Kristen Stewart.
- There’s something very watchable about K-Stew. She’s at her best when you can see her face (looking at you, JT LeRoy. Bad, bad movie.)
- K-Stew is Norah, a mechanical engineer. I’m sure that will come handy later in the movie…
- Norah leaves characters behind to save herself and a colleague. I recognize this hero’s journey. I hope I’m wrong.
- These are not characters, these are types.
- J.T. Miller… Why isn’t he in movies anymore?
- Oh, right. Yeah, he’s not coming back.
- The setting is an oil drilling operation at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. The water looks viscous, polluted. Good job, production design department.
- Vincent Cassel as the captain. Always a smart move to surround yourself with competent actors. Cassel has never been bad.
- I feel guilty every time I laugh at a J.T. Miller joke.
- Surprisingly, Cassel is not the villain. There may not be any villains, actually.
- I spoke too soon.
- The creatures are humanoid-looking but are not affected by the pressure. Is this feasible? [SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF: ON]
- The survivors need to go from point A to point B to point C. It’s like 1917 made by Roger Corman.
- These deaths by water pressure are disturbing.
- [JUMPS] [SCREAMS] You got lucky, movie.
- I suspect T.J. Miller ad-libbed all his dialogue and made it better.
- Can’t believe I’m having fun.
- Engineer powers, activate!
- The cinematography of Underwater is quite solid. Despite the shaky camera, I always know where the characters are.
- The trailers made this movie no favors.
- John Gallagher Jr. is the equivalent of the damsel in distress from years ago (a couple). He is like a budget Ben Affleck.
- Has anybody else noted all monsters are starting to look like [REDACTED]. H.P. [REDACTED] must be smiling from below.
- This is a little too Sigourney Weaver at the end of Alien. Not the action, the getup.
- Underwater is a very feminist film. Like, actually feminist.
3/5 planets. Underwater opens Friday, January 10th, everywhere.
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