DA: Archer: Dreamland

Daily AggregationGreetings Saskatoon! Sunrise was at 8:09 a.m. this morning while sunset is coming your way at 6:32 for 10 hours and 23 minutes of daylight. Wise owls living in the oldest oak trees have forecast a high today of plus two and foreseen a low of minus six. Here’s what’s up.

1. CRAP WATER FOR FIRST NATIONS Canada needs to do better than this.

2. SASKTEL KEEPS YOUR PHONE PRICES LOW Conversely, prices will go up if we sell it.

3. “WALLIDAYS”, HAHAHA Murray Mandryk picks apart the premier’s plan which now has a good nickname.

4. SASKATOON TRANSIT HONOURS DRIVER KILLED IN WINNIPEG Story here.

5. THE PM HEARTS PIPELINES Monkey Beach author Eden Robinson calls out Justin Trudeau for not facing Vancouver’s pipeline wrath.

6. VANCOUVER AQUARIUM: STILL WITH THE BELUGAS Sounds like West Coast Canadians will get another decade of captive cetaceans, despite the mysterious deaths of two whales last year and ongoing criticisms that whales, dolphins and other large, intelligent sea mammals shouldn’t be in captivity, period.

7. ANTI-SEMITISM IN TORONTO Gross.

8. BREXIT WILL COST THE U.K. BILLIONS Ka-ching!

9. YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH RACISM AND TRANSPHOBIA BUT PEDOPHILIA IS STILL TABOO Horrible human Milo Yiannopoulos lost a book deal and has been kicked out of a conservative conference after flippantly suggesting it’s healthy for 13-year-old boys to have relationships with men. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Dan Savage has a column on this here.

10. TODAY IN TRUMPLAND President Bigly problematically bashes the media, might appoint a climate change skeptic as his science advisor, and seems to have helped protect America from British teachers. Fortunately there’s a browser extension that replaces photos of Trump with pictures of kittens. I just tried it out. Works all right!

ARCHER: DREAMLAND Holy shitsnacks!

https://youtu.be/B2KxL7pEy8s

DA: Batnana!

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon! it’s -12 with a -19 windchill and a snowy low of -13 tonight. Sunrise was 8:30, sunset is 6:09. News!

1. TRUDEAU MEETS TRUMP Poor Justin. I’d suggest buttering up President Margarine and saving stuff like trade and immigration bans for meetings with politicians and bureaucrats whoaren’t deranged wannabe strongmen.

2. CITIES VS. THE PROVINCE Saskatchewan’s Urban municipalities have questions for Premier Impending Austerity.

3. DON’T FRICKIN’ SELL SASKTEL Our conservative premier is talking about selling off a valuable publicly owned Saskatchewan asset again. When Manitoba’s conservatives privatized MTS it wiped out jobs, made CEOS richer, raised everyone’s phone bills and cost the province money, so hopefully nobody will fall for this “good deal” nonsense.

4. THERE’S A PETITION DEMANDING TRUDEAU STICK TO HIS ELECTION REFORM PROMISE Read about it here.

5. THE GREEN AND WHITE STAND ACCUSED! Did the Roughriders hold a workout with a player whose rights are held by Hamilton? They say nope.

6. SASK DESIGNER WINS PRIZE FOR BUTTHOLE BOOK COVER There’s nothing I don’t like about this. Congrats to Duncan Campbell of the University Of Regina Press.

7. TODAY IN TRUMPTOWN Sessions confirmed, Conway counseled, Donald bashes a nuke treaty with Russia and also vows a dated crackdown on crime probably because he thinks it’s still 1980 when he wasn’t .

8. VIDEO: “CUTE BAT EATS A BANANA” Story checks out.

DA: Bill Nye Is Back To Save Us All

Daily AggregationGood afternoon Saskatoon, how are you liking this weather? It’s -19, or as the windchill says -29. Low tonight is -24. Despite the horror of existence, the sun still came up this morning (at 8:32) and it will skulk under the horizon tonight at 6:07. Now: news!

1. PIPELINE POWER, U.S.A. The U.S. Army Corp Of Engineers says okay, build a pipeline on Indigenous land I guess. Go ahead, tunnel under the Missouri River, nothing could possibly go wrong.

2. UN-HARPENING CANADA The Liberals are restoring the court challenges program, which you might be familiar with over things like the the legalization of same-sex marriage. Good. Let the Conservatives be the party of stomping on minorities and the marginalized.

3. THERE’S MORE THAN 35 MILLION OF US Canada’s population has embiggened tremendously. Much of the growth is in … Saskatoon!

4. CRISIS IN MAN-LAND Work in male-dominated trades is vanishing and men aren’t learning new job skills.

5. DON’T ATTACK PEOPLE WITH MACHETES Five Saskatoon men missed this memo.

6. WHO THOUGHT ADDING PLASTIC TO BODY WASH WAS A GOOD IDEA ANYWAY? The U.K. is planning action on microbeads but needs to go farther. In November, Canada announced a ban that will start in 2018.

8. “HOT TUB INCIDENT WITH NUDE TEEN” Now that’s a clickable headline.

9. “POLITICAL PRESSURE AND FABRICATING NUMBERS” Jeez, CBC Sask’s headline writers are on fire!

NYEW TO NYETFLIX Bill Nye is back to science the world! This show should be mandatory watching. For me, too.

TODAY IN TRUMPLAND Look it’s that special section we sometimes have.

TIT 1: DeVOS CONFIRMED An unqualified billionaire barely becomes America’s Secretary Of Education. More herehere, here and here.

TIT 2: WARREN SILENCED Apparently reading a letter from Martin Luther King Jr.’s widow Coretta Scott King isn’t allowed in the Senate.

TIT 3: TRUMP COUNTRY REFUGEES A lot of desperate, frightened people are showing up in the border town of Emerson, Manitoba.

TIT 4: IS DONALD TRUMP THREATENING COURTS? Duh.

TIT 5: MINDLESS OPTIMISM, CLEAR-EYED DESPAIR A snapshot of Trump country.

DA: How To Punch The Iron Fist Way

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon! It’s -22 with a -29 windchill. HOORAYYY. Sunrise was at 8:34 and sunset will be 6:06 for total daylight time of nine hours and 72 minutes. But you’re here for an aggregation, so let’s!

1. #MMIW PRESS CONFERENCE The Inquiry into missing and murdered aboriginal women held its first press conference today. It’s planning to get things rolling in the spring.

2. DRUNKS DON’T NEED GOD Alcoholics Anonymous won’t force Ontario drinkers to submit to mythological deities anymore.

3. SASK TEACHERS: NO SLEEPOVERS WITH STUDENTS Seems like everyone should know this and yet.

4. BRUTAL KIDNAPPERS SENTENCED Seven and a half years for the two nastiest thugs behind a Saskatoon kidnapping. Seems like not enough from a public safety standpoint, IMHO.

5. SYRIA’S RULERS ARE STILL TERRIBLE Amnesty International says the regime hanged at least 13,000 people since 2011 at one particularly nasty prison. Can we accept the whole country as refugees?

6. MAD ABOUT DEBT The NDP, which contrary to the opinion of stooges left Saskatchewan’s books in good order, are really pissed about Brad Wall’s (at least) 1.2 billion debt.

7. BRUINS FIRE TOP PUCK COACH CLAUDE JULIEN They did! Bruins beat writer Fluto Shinzawa says it was “management’s only remaining play”.

8. THE DEADLINE IS IN ONE HOUR You can get more stuff done if you move up deadlines to “create panic”. I think we all knew this. This isn’t news, Steve. Jeez.

VIDEO: IRON FIST TRAILER Another guy who can super-punch things is coming to Netflix. Marvel’s Defenders are looking like a one-dimensional, punchy bunch.

DEPLORABLE, OLEAGINOUS NASTY TWIT TRUMP RUINS EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY DEPT. It’s everyone’s favourite!

DON’T TREAD 1: AWFUL EDUCATION SECRETARY TO BE CONFIRMED Good fight but one vote short. Hopefully this close call sends a message to DeVos that she needs to be not-deranged. LOL.

DON’T TREAD 2: A LYING LIAR WHO LIES Trump says the media isn’t reporting terrorist attacks. He shall be mocked.

DON’T TREAD 3: METHOD IN MADNESS Trump’s war on facts and truth, explained.

DON’T TREAD 4: IRAN THANKS TRUMP Sarcastically.

DON’T TREAD 5: MUSLIM TRAVEL BAN VS. U OF R Trump’s evil dumbness has local impact. More here.

DON’T TREAD 6:  WHO SUPPORTS TRUMP? Homophobes.

DA: Upside Down Stranger Things

Daily AggregationHappy afternoon, Saskatoon It’s -19, a number that’s supposed to pretty much stay constant through tonight. It’s supposed to warm up a lot by the weekend. In case you missed it, the sun came up this morning at 8:36 and will set at 6:04. That’s what my iPhone tells me, anyway. It’s powered by The Weather Network!

1. SASK HAS A $1.2. BILLION DEFICIT AND IT WILL BE USED TO JUSTIFY CUTS EVEN THOUGH THE WAY OUT OF RECESSIONS IS TO SPEND, WITHIN REASON Ugh.

2. BYELECTION PREVIEW Pundits are saying the Saskatoon Meewasin vote will be a referendum on the state of the province.

3. SANCTUARY CITIES Should that be us and if so, what would it mean?

4. HALIFAX POLICE POLITELY PULL OUT OF PRIDE A perceptive and sensitive move given the divisions that’ve erupted over police participation in Pride parades. Still sad, though. I think about the RCMP marchers in Steinbach, Manitoba’s first-ever Pride parade this year—you can’t tell me they didn’t send the right message to community’s bigots. Bringing police into Pride was a historic win for the LGBTQ community. Hopefully the Halifax situation is a “step backward to leap forward” thing.

5. ARKANSAS IS BONKERS Morality-of-convenience Christians get more of their ridiculous, dangerous and medically unsupported abortion restrictions passed.

6. STOP FUCKING SETTLING IN PALESTINIAN TERRITORY FFS, Israel!

7. “PATRIOTS WIN, SO EVIL WON” The Patriots are Superbowl champs again. Here’s a column by the Stranger’s Spike Friedman that uses the word “goddamn” nine times in the first three paragraphs. And here’s the trailer for Stranger Things season two, which aired during the game. looks promising.

DEPT. OF SHITTY PRESIDENTS

DOSP.1 WHY DO THEY LIKE THAT ASSHOLE? There’s a good “talking to regular Americans” story on CBC. It’s easy to understand and sympathize with a lot of the frustrations that led to people voting for Donald Trump, although that said, the ignorance is massive. Plus Fox News really fucked America. When Budweiser faces boycotts because it’s not racist, you know that people who want a more civilized country have a lot of work to do.

DOSP.2 KREMLIN DEMANDS AN APOLOGY FROM U.S. MEDIA OUTLET The despicable Bill O’Reilly’s crows come home to roost.

DOSP.3 RACIST TRAVEL BAN BLOCKED For now.

DOSP.4 Back to football: at least one Patriot won’t be going to the Trump White House!

Best Of Food & Drink 2017: Woo!

Daily AggregationGooooood eveniiinnng! We’re getting this in a little after sunset, which went down (get it?) at 5:56, according to my trusty iPhone. Current temperature is -12, and it’s supposed to drop to -18 tonight. We’ve been screwing around with this thing’s logo lately. I like Designer Paul’s new one.

1. IT WAS GROUNDHOG DAY Climate change ruins everything.

2. MOURNING THE DEAD Huge turnout at the funeral for the victims of a far-right gun nut terrorist in Quebec.

3. SPEAKING OF GUN NUTS Kevin O’Leary needs to work on his timing. Or maybe he has, and he’s sending a dog-whistle message to Conservative racists?

4. TRUDEAU BREAKS A PROMISE No electoral reform for you! Really not sure most Canadians want voting reform so I doubt it’ll hurt him politically. Nevertheless, feel free to call your MP, or maybe just Ralph Goodale, since he’s the ultra-Liberal in this province. Goodale’s Ottawa office’s number is 613-947-1153, and his constituency office is 585-2202. Or if you’d rather just read something snarky to help you fume, check out this Andrew Coyne column.

5. SASK VOTER TURNOUT SUCKS People are really disengaged from politics. Of course, you already knew that from all the Facebook whiners complaining about too many political posts.

6. FIGHTING FOR LIFE Ignite The Life tackles the Indigenous youth suicide crisis in a two-day Saskatoon conference. More here.

7. BEST OF FOOD & DRINK 2017 We’re having some trouble agreeing on what we call this thing—Best Of Saskatoon: Food & Drink? Best Of Food Saskatoon?—but regardless: our beloved restaurant scene reader poll is back with way more categories than last year’s version. The write-in round is now open! This is your annual chance to rain some positive public attention on your favourite local (and where appropriate, chain) restaurants. Check it out!

And now here’s your Trump report. Bleccchh.

T1. TRUMP DUMPS ON A CONSERVATIVE ALLY Given how shitty, anti-environmental and generally racist conservative Australian politicians are, I can’t muster outrage when Donald Trump treats the leader of an allied like crap. That said, turning close friends into enemies is not a recipe for political success. THAT said, Trump probably just boosted the approval ratings of an anti-immigrant world leader, and you have to wonder, just a little bit, if that wasn’t part of the plan. My nickel’s on poor impulse control and ego-driven chaos, but ya never know. What do you guys think?

T2. WAIT, DID TRUMP THREATEN TO INVADE MEXICO? What a reckless buffoon.

T3. OH, AND HE’S BAITING IRAN Moron.

T4. AND HIS TRASH TALKING SCHWARZENEGGER Dimwit.

T5. REUTERS TO REPORTERS: TRUMP’S AN AUTHORITARIAN The news outlet briefs reporters on how to cover the Ugnaught-In-Chief.

T6. DIVORCED, MOLEST-Y CHEATER FINDS JESUS? A super-duper profane president wants to help all the lovely “Christian” churches who attack the poor, vulnerable and oft-discriminated against become even more openly political. Learn more about the Johnson Amendment—which Trump wants to “destroy”—here. I look forward to the Satanic Temple’s inevitable mischievous political jujitsu.

T7. TRUMP THREATENS TO REVOKE BERKELEY UNIVERSITY’S FUNDING AFTER A FAR-RIGHT SPEAKER’S CAMPUS TALK WAS CANCELLED This alleged defence of free speech from the guy who signs gag orders on scientists.

T8. SPEAKING OF CENSORING SCIENTISTS Remember Stephen Harper? He pioneered it. Expect Trump will do the same things, but at higher intensity.

Mary Tyler Moore > Donald #@& Trump

Bada boom, Saskatoon! Word on the street is it’s -10 with a minus-19 windchill. You’re high today, I mean your high today is hypothesized to be -5 with a low tonight of -7. That’s not too bad! More weather stuff here. Your sunrise was at 8:55 and your sunset is 5:44. So we lost Mary Tyler Moore yesterday. She was a big deal. You can read more here, here, here, here, here and here. I was a kid when her show was on the air and it was good for my child-brain to have TV that depicted smart, independent women. Wikipedia has a page on her production company, which put out a lot of great shows including one of my all-time favourites, WKRP In Cincinnati. Rest in peace, hero.

1. SAVE CANADIAN MEDIA! A government report recommends lots of things, including a $100 million Journalism and Democracy fund. A.) Yeah, you think? You think maybe there’s no democracy without professional media to keep the public informed? B.) Sounds like groundwork for a slush fund to billionaires who can’t run newspapers, as opposed to funding for journalists and, ahem, SMALL MEDIA OUTLETS THAT HAVE NO STAFF AND WOULD LOVE TO HIRE SOME OF THEIR UNDERPAID FREELANCERS.

2. TWO CANADIANS SUPPOSEDLY RUN 200 COMPANIES Good CBC story.

3. POTASH PLLLLLBBBBBBBBBBTH PotashCorp made $1.23 billion in 2015. Last year it only made $336 million. Ruh-roh! There go the royalties!

4. LIBERAL FRAUDSTER SENTENCED TO PRISON Jacques Corriveau pocketed $7 million in kickbacks from the sponsorship scandal. He’s been sentenced to 10 years in prison. Aww but it’s not fair, he’s ollld, give him a break. Related note: how many of you would trade 10 years in minimum security prison for a million bucks? Thought so.

5. FAST FOOD NATION McDonald’s and A&W launch all-day breakfasts across Canada next month. I’m dooooomed. #McMuffinsAreMyKryptonite

6. YES HE CAM! Probably my favourite player on the Columbus Blue Jackets has been added to the NHL All-Star Game, hooray wait you don’t care

And here’s today’s Trump Dump:

T1. AMERICAN CITIES ARE MAAAD Trump threatened them with funding cuts, now they’re pissed. Trump may learn that enemies are a lot of work. Wonder how much of the U.S. GDP is going to go to lawyers under these Republicans? One half of the country is going to be suing each other while the other half is going to be rioting. What a waste of human time, effort and potential.

T2. MEXICO IS MAAAD No, the country is not going to pay for Trump’s stupid wall. Trump, an idiot, is predictably acting like a child. Mexico’s president, also predictably, just cancelled his U.S. visit.

T3. ONE REPUBLICAN STUDENT ORGANIZATION IMPLICITLY THREATENS PROTESTERS WITH VIOLENCE “If you keep prodding the right you may be unpleasantly surprised what the outcome will be,” say dipshits on the College Republicans at the University of Washington Facebook page. This nonsense after a protester was shot at their idiot event with gay white supremicist (!!!) Milo Yannipoulos. Seems to me universities should disband groups that make threats and get people shot, but America! Fuck yeah! I guess.

T4. CHELSEA MANNING IS A “TRAITOR” Whatever, anyone Trump doesn’t like is going to be a traitor.

Yes It Is! No It Isn’t!


Happy afta-nooon, Saska-tooon! Sunrise was 8:57, sunset is 5:42 and we’re looking at -9 today going down to -12 tonight. Right now it’s -12 with a -18 windchill. More here. Hey, here’s something interesting: Seventy years ago today, famous gangster Al Capone died after being weakened by a stroke, pneumonia and a heart attack. Ol’ Scarface was messed up from syphilis, too. Capone was 48 but now he’s just dead, dead, dead. You, on the other hand, are alive. Hooray!

1. THE JUSTIN COMETH Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will merge his radiant glory with this fine town today, and here is a link to a news story about that, and here’s another and another. And here’s a report on his last stop, where he was asked questions by some douche in a MAGA hat.

2. ANOTHER HOT ONE The numbers are in and 2016 was, unsurprisingly, the hottest year on record. This is the third year in a row we’ve set a planetary temperature record. This is not normal. Too bad everyone who’s trying to raise the alarm and save civilization has to waste energy fighting Trump on everything now, I guess.

3. FOXES AND HENHOUSES The Saskatchewan government has the wrong ministry inspecting pipelines.

4. SUICIDE PREVENTION PLAN An anonymous donor steps up as Canada keeps shitting the bed on the Indigenous suicide crisis.

5. MEN WHO HATE WOMEN Only scumbags post nude photos of ex-girlfriends online without their permission.

6. HATRED IS A CONSERVATIVE VALUE Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne is getting hammered by threats and abuse online. Awful.

And now, here’s a Trump round-up. Yeah, there’s so much crap I have to do a special Trump round-up. Thanks America. And check out the Guardian cartoon by Martin Rowson.

T1. THAT STUPID WALL Trump’s gonna build it! It’s not gonna work! And Mexico’s not gonna pay for it!

T2. JUST GIVE FRANCE THE STATUE BACK Trump restricts immigration and refugees.

T3. TRUMP GOES AFTER MAKE-BELIEVE VOTER FRAUD There must be voter fraud. How else to explain most Americans voting for Hillary Clinton?

T4. MAKE TORTURE GREAT AGAIN Trumps lays groundwork that could bring it back, yippee.

T5. MAYBE TRUMP CAN HAVE JOURNALISTS TORTURED WHILE HE’S AT IT Six journalists covering Trump protests have been charged with rioting.

T6. KEYSTONE XL IS BACK Trump uses his magic president powers to resurrect the controversial pipeline. The protests have started.

T7. IN A STUDY ON POLITICAL BIAS, TRUMP VOTERS LIED MORE THAN CLINTON VOTERS Interesting and unsurprising.

T8. IN A CLUTCH, CALL THE DUTCH That Netherlands steps up to save women from Trump’s cuts to women’s health funding.

T9. IMPEACH THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY ITMFA T-shirts, buttons and hats are now available! Proceeds go to Planned Parenthood and other organizations in the Trump resistance.

HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE WRONG Do you reject the scientific consensus on climate change but you’re not sure how to argue with people who know more than you? Relax, and let Monty Python show you how a series of contradictions can derail discussion and make people stop saying things you don’t like! Perfect for oil stooge politicians, dipshit rednecks and talk radio jerks.

 

Daily Aggregation: Too Much Trump

Happy afternoon, Saskatoon! It’s -27 with a windchill of -34. The low tonight is gonna be -32. Sunset is at 5:18, and if you were wondering, sunrise was at 9:12. Suddenly I see why half our staff is on vacation.

 

1. THE VIEW IN SASKATOON Police need help after the year’s first murder, Saskatoon firefighters are going to carry the antidote to fentanyl, tuition is going up at the University of Saskatchewan and it’s a bad day to be literally allergic to cold weather.

2. GOVERNMENT PRIVATIZES 250 JOBS Desperate times call for screwing over unionized workers, according to the Brad Wall government. Oh well, what’s the big deal? It’s just 250 people who will order less food from local restaurants and shop less at local businesses.

3. THE BIG PRESCRIPTION PRESCRIPTION DRUG RIP-OFF Pharmaceutical companies persuade doctors to prescribe expensive drugs over cheaper alternatives and it costs Canada $3 billion a year, says The Fifth Estate.

4. GET IT TOGETHER, GRITS High-profile Liberals tweeted links to non-partisan government job ads, which is cool. Unfortunately some of the tweets had Liberal logos. Bad. The government is not a political party. Gotta keep that shit separate.

5. OPPOSITION PARTIES WANT A PER-VOTE SUBSIDY BACK So do I. Who would you rather have pay for our democracy (and yes, it does have to be paid for): rich people and businesses or everyone who votes, equally? “It was the fairest of all the ways in which political parties received public support,” says Elizabeth May. Still think getting rid of the per-vote subsidy was one of Harper’s more evil maneuvers.

6. NEED FOR WEED An armed forces vet is worried about federal plans to cut back the amount of prescription marijuana he and others will be reimbursed for.

7. TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMPY TRUMP-TRUMP From Rob Ford’s whining to Stephen Harper’s calculated clampdowns, politicians with things to hide have been undermining the press more and more this young century. Donald Trump, who’s been bashing the media since this fiasco started, just took this nakedly self-serving strategy to a new level by having his staffers cheer him on at the first press conference he’s held in, apparently, six months. It’s ridiculous, inappropriate and dangerous. The Guardian’s Richard Wolfe says this is the beginning of a “shambolic presidency”. The Toronto Stars’ Daniel Dale, who probably thought he was done with this kind of whackjob egomaniac after Rob Ford, has a wrap-up. Best sentence: “It is not clear how well Trump’s scorched-earth transition is working for him.” Meanwhile, The Washington Post, New York Times and other news outlets are following the developing, what, scandal? Crisis? Disaster? A Globe And Mail editorial calls it “the sum of all fears”, after the Tom Clancy book that took its title from a Winston Churchill quote. Finally (because I don’t have all day to rorage for links), we don’t know how much impact Russia really had on the U.S. election, but it seems plausible and maybe likely that Clinton would’ve won if FBI director James Comey hadn’t brought up the Clinton e-mails days before the election. The Justice Department is now investigating. Commentary here.

8. OBAMACARE DEATH WATCH Ugh. Republicans consistently hold the flagrantly immoral position that only Americans who can afford it should get health care. They sabotaged the Clinton health care plan in the ’90s and now they’re going to kill Obama’s health plan. Somebody better mobilize those 20 million people who could lose their insurance.